Flame Wars The Perfect Collection December 16, 1999 You guys at DCTP may remember a series of epic battles which took place a long time ago between myself and some kid whose name eludes me. The 4 major movements were documented in: Ready to RAGE! [6-15-99] Herb [6-21-99] Referendumb [10-24-99] Flame Wars Episode 4 [11-22-99] And to keep you from skipping through each part like a frickin' beheaded chicken, I've compiled the Record of Flame War into one big dose! Open wide. It began this way... ---------- Ready to RAGE! Tuesday, June 15, 1999 5:03 PM Skys are bright with partial cloudiness. Yes! It is time! Rage! Time to taste the rage! CastleVaniax, listen...to what "jeremy Fultineer" has to say in my guestbook! Looks like I'm going to have to TAAAKE YOOOU OUUT! Here is his message in full. >Record 130 >Name: jeremy Fultineer >Website: >Referred by: Just Surfed On In >From: >Time: 1999-06-14 20:29:59 >Comments: I really thought that this was an intelligent person > operating this websight, but I guess I was wrong. First of all >who would even think of such a dumb idea as dracula 2000 or what >ever that was, it's bad enough that konami is making a werewolf >related one. They should leave it alone, the game hasn't even had >a real rpg yet and let alone a real backgroundof history . So if >your gonna screw up a game go mess with contra or something , leave >the game with some dignity. Slogra sucks much carcass, a stupid >dinosaur with a shotgun that cheats. How did you get into the >castlevania ring anyway. Get some info on some imports or some >halfway decent art, those drawings are horrible it's a good thing >you drew mostly that stupid slogra.....that's what's wrong right >there..........you are obsessed with slogra, maybe you should make >a slogra websight. Now let us butcher this thing, kids. What, no e-mail address to respond to? Someone has nothing hanging between their legs, folks... (I apologize for the first sudden burst of that kind of language in over 2 years.) >I really thought that this was an intelligent person >operating this websight, but I guess I was wrong. I really thought this was an intelligent person writing this...until he wrote "websight". >First of all who would even think of such a dumb idea as dracula >2000 or whatever that was, it's bad enough that konami is >making a werewolf related one. I would. It was a mere and harmless idea. Certainly, the idea for a CV in the 2000 is a bit farfetched. However, only the first two 16 bit Contras did manage the futurist formula. What could I say...I was being introduced to emulation and Contra Hard Corps ROMs at the time. And I agree with you about the werewolf mistake. I won't waste another 50 anytime soon. >They should leave it alone, the game hasn't even had >a real rpg yet and let alone a real backgroundof history . Simon's Quest is difficult. Now excuse me while I put on a CastleVania Symphony of the Night .XA track. What was that you said about there not being a real CastleVania RPG? What, you want it to fall down into the Final Fantasy category? To appease yourself, use white-out on the television screen and write in "Alucard" whenever Sephiroth's name is mentioned. Happy yet? And if you're the director of Konami himself (herself?), and you belive that there must be a status quo for the game genres CastleVania must be fitted for, be sure to put out the real CastleVania Sports, CastleVania Shooter, CastleVania Racing, CastleVania Puzzle, and CastleVania Dating games. >So if your gonna screw up a game go mess with contra or something, >leave the game with some dignity. Last time I checked, Konami did an excellant job of 'screwing up' Contra for the Alien Wars and Hard Corps. >Slogra sucks much carcass Carcass. The only clever use of a swear word or any word, for that matter, thoughout the whole text. >Slogra sucks much carcass, a stupid >dinosaur with a shotgun that cheats. Um...yes, according to this, Slogra uses an enchanted trident spear. Not a shotgun. And when it cheats, it ups the challenge. They call it AI, or Artificial Intelligence, which we've seen more of these days. Don't whine because you're not skilled enough to kill the beast. And speaking of Artificial Intelligence... >How did you get into the castlevania ring anyway. I'm not in the CastleVania ring yet. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. >Get some info on some imports I leave that up to the man at the Dun. When the CV compilation disc with the Japanese CastleVania III comes in, we'll let everyone know. >or some halfway decent art, those drawings are horrible And when there were only about 3 CV arts available on the internet in 1997, were mine horrible then? Ask Kurt Kalata or anyone else about how "horrible" I draw. Besides, those drawings are dated, as was the scanner they were done on. I won't even ASK you to wait until I post my latest. >it's a good thing you drew mostly that stupid slogra Because Slogra is easier and fun to draw. >.....that's what's wrong right there.... Hey everyone! Jeremy's spoken that art of a CastleVania baddy is wrong! I'm glad this academic could teach me! >......you are obsessed with slogra How long did it take you to figure that out? The thousands of CV fans ahead of you have record times. >maybe you should make a slogra websight. See: Slogra's Shrine, airhole! Aaaah, that felt good. It's good to get my multibladed edge across. Let's go, Slogra, you can stop pointing the spear at him. See you guys later at Dracula's Curse THE PAGE!!! 6:42 PM 6/15/99 Same sky. ---------- Monday, June 21, 1999 9:14 PM ATTENTION: Contains strong, 32-bit, graphic language, none of which I'm at fault for. However, I did use an 8-bit insult in the conclusion, but that is a mere cracked, bent, plastic spork when compared to his adamantium-plated pitchforks. Resume. Herb. Herb is a word which was most widely used in 1992 to describe a person who's basically a loser. The h is spoken briefly, with most of the word dragged by the "er". Also pronounced, "erb!" EXAMPLE: herb="jeremy Fultineer" Here's what "jeremy Fultineer" had to say in response to his glorious defeat on last week's episode, "READY TO RAGE!". >Record 131 >Name: Kurt Kalata (kkalata@worldnet.att.net) >Website: CV Dungeon (www.classigaming.com/castlevania) >Referred by: Just Surfed On In >From: >Time: 1999-06-20 09:32:00 >Comments: There's something I've been wanting to tell you since we > started talking... A 2 year old site dedicated to CastleVania 3? >That game came out like a decade ago, you loser. For 2 years you've >been spending your time updating a site to a decade-old game >that nobody even plays anymore? You fucking loser, get a life, >get a girlfriend, find a hobby... do something, you dumb mother >fucker. CV3 wasn't even that great, ass rammer. See ya. >Kurt Kalata P.S. Don't even try to compete with my site anymore, >you faggot fuck. Nobody beats the Dungeon. Now let's butcher this new one, kids! >Record 131 >Name: Kurt Kalata (kkalata@worldnet.att.net) >Website: CV Dungeon (www.classigaming.com/castlevania) First of all, Kurt would NEVER refer to his site as CV Dungeon. He's been known to key in, "The CastleVania Dungeon". >Referred by: Just Surfed On In Second, this referral matches his first (as does numerous other CV fans, but we're talking about Fultineer here). The actual Kurt would've selected "Word of Mouth" or whatever else's available on the pull-down list. He'd never say "Just Surfed On In" when mentioning Dracula's Curse THE PAGE (hereafter, DCTP). >Comments: There's something I've been wanting to tell you since we > started talking... Since we started talking on March 7, 1997... and what would that be? >A 2 year old site dedicated to CastleVania 3? >That game came out like a decade ago, you loser. Man, you're easy. There was no 2 year old site dedicated to CastleVania 3 Dracula's Curse in 1997. To correct your mistake, I'd suggest putting in "a site dedicated...", and leave the year marker out. And the game came in during late 1990. Check your facts. Better yet, check DCTP! (everyone laugh here) >For 2 years you've been spending your time updating a site to >a decade-old game that nobody even plays anymore? Quite. Rather, ask Kurt Kalata, myself, Jason Rivera, John Baxter, Edgar Torres, and numerous other signers about the last time they played CastleVania 3. I guess if you're the ideal videogame fan whose claim to fame is no longer playing CV3, you can tell the rest of us nobodys to grovel at your feet. >You fucking loser, get a life, >get a girlfriend, find a hobby... do something, you dumb mother >fucker. See: Epitaph, airhole! >CV3 wasn't even that great, ass rammer. Sure it was. Over 35000 fans in attendance at the DCTPdome can't be wrong. >See ya. No no, we will meet again. >Kurt Kalata Oh my goodness! Kurt Kalata has turned evil! Oooooo! I'm going to let him know our partnership is off permananently! My life is ruined now! I should've listened to "jeremy Fultineer"! > P.S. Don't even try to compete with my site anymore, >you faggot fuck. Nobody beats the Dungeon. Fultineer, you don't even have an e-mail address. What can convince me that YOU have a site? Besides...any site from the Ring can systematically devour any peice of garbage HTML you can concoct. CONCLUSION: Hey, jeremy! If DCTP isn't so great, why'd you just spend time downloading and viewing it on seperate occaisions??? YOU SUCK, BROTHER! I didn't even have to go to Kurt to confirm the fact that it was you who wrote this cheap ploy. Call it instinct. After uploading the "7 minutes later" notice on 6-21-98, I finally directed the real Kurt to the Guestbook entry. He told me that it was actually pretty humorous that someone had made an attempt to impersonate him. Looks like I've defeated the Evil One again. Roll the credits, display the boss characters. ...third time's the charm. Monday June 21, 1999 10:20 PM ---------- Sunday, October 24, 1999 10:28 PM Didn't I say third time's the charm? ATTENTION: Contains strong, 32-bit, graphic language, none of which I nor Andy are at fault for. Resume. Referendumb. "Referendum: a seeking of voters' approval for a legislative proposal" --Webster's Vest Pocket Dictionary Referendumb: An analysis, performed by one or more DCTP related judges, of an idiotic character such as "jeremy Fultineer". --Eric!! Finally, after an era of silence, "Jeremy Fultineer", who finally inputs his name correctly, returns! It took him long enough! Let's see which one of his personal life issues he cared to advertise to us THIS time... >Record 169 >Name: Jeremy Fultineer >Website: >Referred by: Just Surfed On In >From: >Time: 1999-10-24 18:21:56 >Comments: I'm back you bitches!!!!!! eRIC rOMAN YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER >your page sucks big time!!! LOL look at those shitty homeade "graphics" like that Trevor >picture they suck so bad!!!! Cheapo get a real graphic maker because your little sister's >crayons don't count!!!!!! Dracula's Curse sucks the game is so old and the graphics are so >gay looking get a life and get with the present all you losers stuck in the past over a silly 8- >bit pile of SHIT As before, "Now let's butcher this new one, kids!" >Name: Jeremy Fultineer Once again, he left no return e-mail address, which could mean only two things... one, he was neutered a long time ago, or two, "he's" actually an enraged "she." There IS a third option, but we're out for murder here, not defense. SEE ALSO: "Ready to RAGE!!!" >Comments: I'm back you bitches!!!!!! It's about time! Took you long enough to muster up enough courage--as well as spheres, if you know what I mean-- to face DCTP again... >eRIC rOMAN YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER Helpful hint: Don't press the SHIFT key when you've got CAPS LOCK activated. And I don't partake in your regular hobby. Perverted moron. >your page sucks big time!!! If CastleVania III Dracula's Curse THE PAGE sucks so much, why are you a regular visitor???!!! BAAAAAAAGH HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!! SEE ALSO: Herb >LOL My thoughts exactly! (By the way, "LOL" stands for "Laughing Out Loud", which we're both doing due to the fact that Fultineer's such an IDIOTO STUPIDO!) >look at those shitty homeade "graphics" like that Trevor >picture they suck so bad!!!! Mister Computer Graphics Major over here, Jeremy Fultineer, just told us all that Ruff's "homeade" bitmap donation sucks, and that Jeremey can do SO much better. Stop singing it, and start bringing it. PLEASE stop singing, I mean it. You're off key, anyway. >Cheapo get a real graphic maker You mean like Paint Shop Pro, Adobe's Illustrator, Photo Deluxe, and Photoshop? I do them all. Oh, what was that? I see... you're still stuck on Mario Paint. (ACK! I'm sorry guys! I just had to! I'm sorry!) >because your little sister's >crayons don't count!!!!!! Look me up. I don't have a sister, dipwad! And usually, I use either Prang, Empire, or Prismacolor color pencils. For more details, see EPITAPH! You know what an epitaph is, right? It's what we write on that piece of paper on your makeshift grave every time you're laced out by us. >Dracula's Curse sucks the game is so old and the graphics are so >gay looking get a life and get with the present all you losers >stuck in the past over a silly 8-bit pile of SHIT He wants to shut us down, friends! What're we gonna do about it? Time for a REALITY CHECK. JF, you know your favorite game, right? Pokekrap or whatever, it's on a Game Boy. No, Game Boy is NOT a 32 bit system...not even a 9 bit system. It's 8 freakin bits, and proud of it. So now that you know the truth, you can shove your Pink Game Boy Pocket down your blowhole sideways. Maybe that'll keep your whale trap shut for the next few months. Hopefully it will, and the cardboard bootleg ENIAC computer you use to punch up DCTP will GUARANTEED go down--not even the moment 2000 arrives, but most likely a week BEFORE. Then you'll have NO WAY to check out ANY of your favorite sites, such as: The Barney and Friends Page, The Red Ranger Shrine, monsterinmypocketripoff.com, The I Love Ricky Martin Page, and CastleVania III Dracula's Curse THE PAGE!!! AGH! Don't associate ME with this list! Stop coming to DCTP! Yikes! MY CONCLUSION: CHICKEN! You pluck yourself! Get this loser a dictionary! Or a spell checker, at least! Look! We have a special guest...ANDY! --ANDY'S-EVAL-- 'Ey all. Andy Costello here. I'm that advisor guy that has yet to do anything of significance on the site. Heh. Anyhow, I don't want to spend too much time introducing myself. I've got a job to do, and I'm going to do it! What job is that, you ask? Why, show this little (expletive removed) his faults. And away we go! >I'm back you bitches!!!!!! eRIC rOMAN YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER >your page sucks big time!!! LOL So if DCTP sucks, why for do you continue to leave messages on the message board? There's obviously something you enjoy about it, here. And all you do when you leave the messages is help continue the site's life. And it provides quite a bit of humor for the visitors. Y'know.. the ones that aren't dumb enough to use the 'caps lock' and 'shift' keys at the same time. >look at those shitty homeade "graphics" like that Trevor >picture they suck so bad!!!! Cheapo get a real graphic maker because your little sister's >crayons don't count!!!!!! Homeade? I looked that up in the dictionary, and it's not listed. Oh, you must mean "Homemade"! Hah. Well, at least you ran your entry through a spell-check before.. uh.. entering it. Or at least proof-read it. Some people, man.. Besides, I'm 17, and I still use crayons. It's a nice challenge to make a drawing look good with those suckers. And they fill large areas up very quickly. There's nothing wrong with them at all. Well.. nothing except for the fact that you can't use them on a computer, as you seem to be implying. Sentence structure works wonders, young one. Wonders. >Dracula's Curse sucks the game is so old and the graphics are so >gay looking get a life and get with the present all you losers stuck in the past over a silly 8- >bit pile of SHIT Well of course the graphics suck. The game is 10 years old. In ten years from now, you'll be saying Mario 64 had horrid graphics. But for the time, they were top-notch. Your favorite game, Pokemon, has horrid graphics, too, or hadn't you noticed? Not that I've anything AGAINST Pokemon, Buuuut.. the graphics still suck, when compared to Symphony of the Night or Sonic Adventure. It's just not a fair comparison. Idiot. And something you probably didn't think of is the fact that without this and other "silly 8-bit piles of (censored)," there wouldn't be many of the great games that are around now. It's called appreciation, something I don't see you knowing much about. In closing, I say that you have lots of maturity to find. Good luck in your search. ---------- Flame Wars Episode 4 11/22/99 7:26 AM Hm hm hmmm. Just another day at DCTP. Guess I'll check the Guestbook. Doot deet doo. OOH! >Record 172 >Name: Jeremy Fultineer you stupid hoe >Website: your sister got raped by me >Referred by: Just Surfed On In >From: you mom's puntang pie >Time: 1999-11-21 21:10:48 >Comments: ERIC ROMAN YOU DUMB BIATCH! Ive been lookin at this page again and i just >gosta tell your monkey rapin self how lame this sight is!!!!!! HUMOR ME sucks a fat dick it aint >funny you fuckin gayfer whore!!! who cares about that shit! damn you some losers makin up >cartoons about a game that is 10 years old stupid bitch! Why don't you go to hell and go fuck your >stupid pet dinosaur Slogra, that fucking prick cheating lizard. Man I gotta go your mom is beggin if >she can suck on my shaft can't keep her waiting. Until next time you fat overweight dorky skanky >hoe dog faggot ass bitch Well, as you can see, "Jeremy Fultineer you stupid hoe" is one of DCTP's GREATEST FANS!!!! BUT NOW WE HAVE TO PUNISH HIM AGAIN, DON'T WE! >Website: your sister got raped by me Get it through your endorphin soaked peabrain! I've got no sister! >From: you mom's puntang pie Puntang. You know that it wasn't until I received Andy's response that I first saw that word, "poontang", and later at the Thanksgiving luncheon that word was uttered again. Poontang must be a new word, and it's a deroggatory word for... ...for what Jeremey is. >Comments: ERIC ROMAN YOU DUMB BIATCH! Would some personage out there elucidate to me... what's a BIATCH? Get this loser a dictionary for Christmas, Ms. Fultineer! >Ive been lookin at this page again Can't this idiot take his own advice? >and i just >gosta tell your monkey rapin self how lame this sight is!!!!!! Then I've got some advice for you: Take two cyanide pills, and call me in the morning. >HUMOR ME sucks a fat dick Um... I don't want to know what you do with the DCTP printouts, kid. >it aint >funny you fuckin gayfer whore!!! *yawn* >who cares about that shit! Isn't it obvious? YOU do. >damn you some losers makin up >cartoons about a game that is 10 years old stupid bitch! That's right! And we're the funniest CV losers on the worldwide! I await your contribution. Here are some tips (if your not JF, don't try this at home): unplug your junky cardboard computer, wash your hands, don't dry them, then reach into the wall outlet to find the $200 your cat's been holding out on. >Why don't you go to hell and go fuck your >stupid pet dinosaur Slogra, that fucking prick cheating lizard. *LAUGHS* This moron is STILL having trouble with Slogra? Ah well. Loser. So go to the netherworld with your boyfriend Cloud Strife, and it'll all be good. Then I'll send Slogra to THREE TIME! THREE TIME! THREE TIME! KICK YOUR --S!!! >Man I gotta go your mom is beggin if >she can suck on my shaft can't keep her waiting. ... As if! As if he expects me to beleive that! Only someone of JF's mental capacity could. I think he beleives it himself! Watch out, Ms. Fultineer! >Until next time you fat overweight dorky skanky hoe yadda, yadda yadda yadda, yadda, bla, bla, bla bla, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know how it goes. But after his last, there wont be a next time. Hmm...am I the only one who noticed that I put JF in a death inducing situation numerous times throughout this flame war? ...ugh I'm turning into one of THEM... Maturity is corrupt. [PSYCHO ANDY... [Y'know, it's people like JF here that make the world go 'round. [Unfortunately, I think he's figured something out - The more he posts to the [message board, the more attention he gets by us responding to him. And that's [just making him a celebrity. What's sad is people probably know of JF's presence [here on DCTP more than they do my own. Jeremy..If the page sucks so much, why [do you insist upon coming back? Obviously, YOU WANT ATTENTION! Oi. [By the way, you spelled "poontang" incorrectly, you ignorant Rocky Maivia-wannabe. >Record 173 >Name: Jeremy Fultiner aka Eric's Daddy >Website: eric's dad molests him >Referred by: Just Surfed On In >From: I'm from da ghetto nigga g-dawg >Time: 1999-11-21 21:06:28 >Comments: P.S. Eric faggety-ass Roman WHY DON"T YOU JUST GO SUCK A BIG DICK >BOY >Website: eric's dad molests him Judoknow that your mom and sisters molest me, but I have no problem with that! (Heh heh heh heh heh...that was wrong.) >From: I'm from da ghetto nigga g-dawg You ain't from the ghetto! If you were from the ghetto, you'd come up with some better lines. Rather, you would've been shot and buried by now. Game. Set. Match. At the end of the Flame Wars, DCTP stands alone. Good riddance, Jerimiy Fultanaire. Have a nice life. Waitaminute, scatch that one. DON'T have a nice life. And as Colonel Bahamut once said, "We'll not meet again." -FLAME WARS- CAST Eric- Eric Roman Lowlife-"Jeremy Fultineer" Slogra- HIMSELF Andy- Psycho Andy COMPUTER-SCREEN PLAY WRITTEN BY: Eric, some lowlife, and Andy. SOUND EFFECT Dana Deluxe! 1999 DCTP Organization No rights reserved because this is real life. Slogra: Say goodnight, babe. Venus Weed: Goodnight, babe! Slogra: ... THE END "Who's next?" THE END...? ---------- THE END.