Have you ever been playing Symphony and wondered...HOW IN THE HELL? Well, here are the thoughts that pop into my head while playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. If you find any random thoughts while playing this game, send them to me and I'll post them...Hell...if you know the answers to any of these questions, send them to me.

-Added 12/25/00-

By Eric "The Man" Roman

-What in the red hells IS SLOGRA?!

-WHO IS SLOGRA?!

-And what the heck is its Japanese name, (verrigan/berrigan/velligan), mean ANYWAY?

-How come when Trevor Fake's pissed, he starts throwing Item Crashes at Al? I was never able to toss Daggers or Gargantuan Bone Boomerangs like that...

-Why does Sypha Fake resurrect Trevor after you kill him? Does she have erotic plans for it after she roastifies Alucard?

-Why do neither of the oldyweds care about Grant once he's smudged out?

-What's the deal with that eye in the Marble Gallery? Did he miss the CastleVania 7 casting call, or what?

-How come the Amphisbaena's/Diplocephalus' lady side resembles Sailor Mars?

-Using my faded knowledge of dinosaur name roots, I've deciphered Diplocephalus into meaning "Double Foot".

-Who'd win in a fight between Slogra and Garamoth?

-Can I shout out Jason, who has made it a POINT to make me say Garamoth instead of Galamoth?

-Okay, the Shield Rod is Sypha's Warakiya Staff that is in Al's possesion, which is why she doesn't need it in the boss battle...

-yet...the whip used by Trevor fake could be the Mystic Whip..which Rich has in his possesion...oh, crud...

-If Alucard does it with Maria, does this mean birds are warm blooded reptiles?

-Why did I have to go to such great lengths as XaPlayer to listen to that beautiful and seducing Japanese song on the xa_str?

-Why does Hunting Girl remind me of Sailor Mercury?

-How does that halo on one of the Chapel spire statues float?

-Why does Death's Second Form look like Konami's .05 try at a Hentai Demon?

-Why does Death's Second Form look like Alien Supreme Commander the toy from Independence Day? Is it an "up yours" to Fox for stealing Konami's Contra III opening for the ID4 movie concept?

-What will Death's Second Form do if Death's Second Form has to potty?

-How will Death's Second Form mate when Mar--I mean, mating season approaches?

-Why'm I on a roll?

-Everyone's seen Guy: Double Target, right? If there's a Ring of Arcana...is there a Ring of Noima?

-Why's H.R. Giger's Alien (Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, 92% of Dark Horse Comics) on Drac's throne?

-Why can't you play as Slogra in the PlayStation or Saturn versions?

-Freak that...why can't you play as The Bone Dragon King, Oroborous?!

-What is the name of Minotaur's uppercut?

-In Rondo of Blood, Minotaur's uppercut is his final move which toastifies him and reduces him to ashen bones when the skeleton lands. It's awesome.

-Maybe the uppercut is called..."SHOMINOTAURYUKEN!"

-Or maybe something historically funny, like, "ALLYOUCANEAT!"

-Or even..."TIGER UPYURBUTT!"

-I have noticed how Slogra's popularity has noticably soared from 4 to 12 since establishing Slogra fanship on my CastleVania III site...

-Meanwhile, Gaibon's popularity, especially after we discovered it was named Gaibon, has remained at 2. Leave it to America's Crybaby Mentality to shun homosexuals...or potiential homosexuals....DAMMIT! SLOGRA'S NOT GAY! AND GAIBON IS PRONOUNCED MORE LIKE "giyayban" SLAPPY! TAKE A FRIKKIN JAPANESE CLASS! (gi, as in the karate uniform, yay as in shoving a nail through your foot, ban as in "ebony")

-How come Alucard turns into the most awesome thing since toilet water (an AWESOME statue) when he's hit by some Medusa heads?

-Alucard yaoi. The f\/!k's up with that.

-How about some Venus Weed Yuri instead?

-Why pay some inner-states Columbani Community College kids whatever amount for their PlayStation emulator? You have jokes!

-Does Sword Lord really salute you when he dies, or is it my imagination that some CV foes have a sense of honor? Seriously, though.

-What color is the fairie's...never mind.

-Why do the fae, Demon, and Ghost familiars measure 4 feet in height?

-Why are the Fish Men scared?

-Why does Alucard go around mercilessly killing Knight's owls for a living?

-What time is it?

-Why does Alucard go around killing those big wolves from Princess Mononoke for a living?

-It is 12:23PM, EST, on December 23, 2000.

-I haven't played Symphony straight through since... 6-XX-1999.

-Why does Alucard go around killing rare extinct birds for a living?

-Why does everyone write monotonous fan fiction about Alucard's personal issues and all this noble crap, when all we REALLY need is Setzer's Blood Debts, Kane Magus' Sailor Moon-CastleVania Crossover, and my 52% complete 27+ pages Vampire Hunter E II story I've currently cancelled?

-Venus Weeds are sexy.

-Specially the red ones. GOTTA LOVE RED!

-What is the total value of Castle Beyond the Mist CastleVania, including the land surrounding it?

-Because if you play Symphony long enough, I'm sure Al could buy Dracula out.

-It's that time of the hour when the brain says stop, because it's not as funny as it was 1992 entries ago. I'm done.

-Added 12/25/00-

Later that day...

-How does Demon Familiar move through impermeable rock?

-AND WHO THE FLYING FLACKING FLUK CARES IF YOU PROPERLY CAUGHT THE HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CASTLE OF PROFANE EVIL; STOP POSING IT'S ONLY 10HP ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Heh heh...I wiped out all the data on Jason's mega memory card by mistake last weekend...heh heh heh...he hasn't played SotN since...

-If there was a Hollow Man type enemy underwater in SotN, would he be called Bubble Man?

-How come there was never a Water Man in the Mega Man series?

-Or even a Hose Man?

-His weapon would be the Hard Guts Pimp Spinning Laser Missile Blade Magnet Knuckle Jet Coil Ice Shotgun Air Time Boomerang Stopper Atomic Lead Fire Bubble Metal Needle Snake. That would be cool.

-Why haven't I been a presence in the CVB message board?

-I think it's because my computer equipment sucks.

-But when I get my Machine of Power (Dell Pentium III @ 1Ghz), THE NORTH BRONX WILL BE MINE!!!

-Limp Bizkit is America's worst idea since slavery.

-(source: Method Man's latest release, featuring the little-talent spitting some random crap with possibly a few gratuitously tasteless curse words within)

-What does Death think about his infinite job as Dracula's 'buddy'?

-And who is Death-ko, the little pal clinging to Death's shoulder in the official artwork used for the dialogue scenes?

-Will there be e-mail communication within the CastleVania in the 23rd century episode of the series?

-Would we have a CastleVania anime if there were no Vampire Hunter D for CastleVania to be a reflection of?

-WHAT WAS THAT THING DORIS WAS KILLING AT THE START OF THAT MOVIE?!

-Wow. I'm playing Symphony of the Night. I'd probably think that too while I was playing.

-And that one guy has to watch some Evangelion and Hayao Miyazaki films, because, well, I'm not really feeling Guyver too much.

-The American release of the Japanese icon Pokeimon was also another bad idea of the nation of which I'm a part.

-What's up with that one skeleton in the inverted ianaVeltsaC? He's not a Shakespearian actor, he's Soccer Boy, says DX NitM!

-Why does Kurt Kalata still call that BULL CREATURE which chases you in Dracula X, stored in the lower levels of the Colosseum, a Hell Hound?!?!?!?!?!

-The Skull Shield Spell is HOT! I should know; I've only owned it once in my entire CV7 career, and lost the save.

-What would SotN be without neo-techno-gothic Alucard?

-Not a bad idea. I'd get a girl Belmont, name her Joyce, and call it: CASTLEVANIA PS: JOYCE'S QUEST! Oh, joy! (don't ask me WHERE I came up with her name...freestyle)

-I wonder how that CastleVania Survivor thing will end...

-What would CastleVania humor and fanship be without Slogra?

-What would CastleVania on the WorldWide be without The CastleVania Dungeon?

-Or just as integral...

-What would CastleVania on the WorldWide be without CastleVania III: Dracula's Curse THE PAGE!!!???