CastleVania: How I Spent My Vacation!

As you may or may not know, I went to Puerto Rico for two weeks in 1997. From, I forget, 8-14-97 to 8-30-97, I think. Wondering what I did over there? No? FINE THEN! Go back to the Miscellaneous stuff. Otherwise, stick around.

Photo note: Some of the photos are discolored around the edges, because tragically, the disposable camera was exposed to moisture before I could finish it.

Okay. One of the main reasons I went was, because, I WANTED TO! I FINALLY GOT MY CHANCE! Summer school had kept me from an extended PR vacation for a second time, and after taking my regents in English and US History, and being notified of my 84% in the English regents, the time had come. It was a really short notice, and I only had a couple of days to prepare.

PUERTO RICO! I'd be staying at my grammy's house in beautiful Yabucoa! Mountains! Fresh air! Time to break out those notorious time-saving devices! The camcorder and tape recorder! As you can tell from Battles Barely Perfect, I like to keep the past for future reference. As you guys' e-mail piled in my AOL e-mailbox, I was surrounded by Puerto Rico. There were several things I just had to do. Of these many things I had to accomplish a film; Jurassic Park 7, Lost in Puerto Rico!

JURASSIC TANGENT:
Jurassic Park vs Aliens vs Independence Day and Star Wars

The cast and props of Jurassic Park 7: Lost in Puerto Rico

Ever since I got a camcorder in May 1995, I've been making all these short Jurassic Park flicks. For actors, I used action figures of the JP guys and dinos, and bobbed them up and down to make them seem like there were talking...and doing jumping jacks at the same time.

In Jurassic Park 2, the guys return to Isla Nublar because John Hammond forgot his house keys. Everyone was mauled.

In JP 3, they met a very hungry dinosaur named Yoshi, played by the Young T-Rex figure.

In 4, a comet hit the island (my bed) and left a crater (a big pot covered with a blanket; this tip was picked up from a Mc Donald's Happy Meal bag during the Movie Makers campaign in early 1994). JP4's called T-Rex Carnage, and I intended to put a scene in from Jurassic Park 2 for Super NES, where a Tyro chases your man and you need to shoot him up.

Jurassic 5 is pretty neat. The gang gets slammed yet again, and only two guys remain. A Gallimimus and a Baryonyx rescue them. As 'King of Pride Rock' plays in the background, the two are brought to the JP Chopper and they leave. At the end, ya see all the dinosaurs ever used in the JP movies...except for one.

To that end, Jurassic Park 6 came about. The Chickenbooraptor, played by a Rooster that crows when you squeeze him, is pissed cuz he was never in the final credits of JP5. Aliens land in JP land, a face hugger does his job on the Triceratops, a Queen Alien Chestburster bursts from Yoshi, now a full-grown dino (and physical casualty of the movie). Bad stuff happens and the Australian guy, Muldoon, sets it off and blows up JP land...with the guys still on it. In Heck, Chickenbooraptor prepares his next plan as Sigourney Weaver in a Power Loader visits the guys in heaven:

Sigourney Weaver: "Guys! Something just came up in Jurassic Park!"
Muldoon: "Yeah, a giant mushroom cloud."
Jaws Jackson: "Heh heh heh..."
SW: "Nope! Something even more ssseeerious than that! ......are you game?"

Jurassic Park 7 was to be the best yet for a few reasons....
1. A full story, with storyboards, was created.
2. The cast list was all worked out an' stuff.
3. A complete soundtrack was compiled for live BGM.
4. It was filmed on location in Puerto Rico.
5. A giant hand puppet was used as the Yoshi for the film.
6. My audio dubbing and .wav mixing skills were...are perfect.
7. This was to be the first JP film of mine to use computers...to mix sound effects, that is.

It went this way...

Jurassic Park has been destroyed. Sigourney Weaver asked the JP guys for help in rummaging through the rubble...they lose her, and their own way. They find themselves in Puerto Rico, Lost in Puerto Rico, on location even. (Sigourney Weaver and her loader, who were originally part of the original script...had to be written out because I couldn't find her...)

The JP team, inexplicably resurrected, drive around the brushes of Puerto Rico and discover a Star Wars ATST under some crud. Suddenly, a Chupacabra (Warrior Alien) attacks! An enourmous T-Rex, Yoshi, comes to their aid and is then scolded for trying to subsequently devour two of the team. A cowboy and M.I.B. then join the group.

Wipe to Roosterraptor (aka Chickenboo Raptor), who displays his latest plan: the Cheek Lazer, a small chick which peeps so fast the sound waves can destroy anything*! Meanwhile, Yoshi is shooed away by the team as they "talk adult stuff". Yoshi runs into Roosterraptor who uses the spell**, "...vigazo beano lago, vigazo beano cous cous...I don't get mad, I get even. Loombaki creo plomo pleo zona AA-AA!" to hypnotize Yoshi into pulverizing the team.

*Call it a homage to the TaleSpin 2-part episode, "For Whom the Bells Klang"
**These are actually Zorak's spell and quotes from Space Ghost Coast 2 Coast and Cartoon Planet, respectively.

They run away into a gigantic house called Curse Castle, and explore the couch...until a giant (played by me) walks in and sits on them. They just barely escape, leaving the forlorn giant alone...with an adorable baby chick... He adores the chick, which is really the Cheek Lazer, who promptly nails him at point blank. The JP team finds what looks like their car and hop in, just in time for the hypnotized Yoshi to chase them up the street in a fast-paced 6 seconds.

The team screeches to a halt in front of Roosterraptor and his cohorts, and the whole team is completely annihilated by the power of the greeted Cheek Lazer. (Two production days later,...) they land in the middle of the desert (driveway) and walk around until they encounter ID4 Alien (Alien Supreme Commander). His wife (Queen Alien) Hortence appears and abuses him as the team ducks and covers. Suddenly, the ATST puts away Hortence and another Chupacabra while ID4 Alien escapes. Yoshi reappears. He seems normal, except for the fact that he's got a tentacle wrapped around his throat. ID4 Alien reappears and after another movie quote, the little guy inside abandons his power suit and flees as everyone else trips up behind him.

In the Climactic Conclusion, Yoshi thanks everyone for saving him, and just then, Roosterraptor shows up! The battle is fierce and ferocious, but soon it is over. Roosterraptor chickens out, and the JP team beats down ID4 Alien, who confesses to being a Chupacabra.

After that, the JP Team and I called it a day. 2 years later, I called it the prelude.

Actual Puerto Rico Stuff!
Puppies, Pueblo, and a #1.

The big backyard of my relative's house, just a hop, skip, and a gate away from home.
I remember one time, when I went down the hill into the dark, damp, 'deep jungle area' way below the house, the first thing Brownie did when we got there was water the plants.
Just look at it all! This is all a backyard! YOUR property! Pretty impressive, yes?

To make a long vacation short, I recorded lots o stuff, JP7 completed successfully, I figured up a Miscellaneous section for my CastleVania III page, I beat nearly every Game Boy game I owned except for Beetlejuice and Tetris, and had Nemesis emulate Parodius. It was a great time.

THE END!

P.S. To new readers...most of this section contains the dialect of a 1997, 16 year old Eric Roman who doesn't know WHERE his site will go,...so pardon it. A multitude of revisions have been made since adding the photos of the JP7 cast, vacant pueblo street, and view from home, but I may revise this even further.

Last edit, July 25, 2001.