December
11, 2006
Made ya look.
Alrighty, then. Humor Me's renovation is now
underway.
With the exception of FlashyVania...and
Humoritten, come to think of it, the main
features have fallen under the new architecture of /humor. That's not
to say they don't work; they do. They've all been moved into /humor with
HTML updated courtesy WordPad (with its "Replace..." command
coming in quite handily during the Slogra's
First Date edit. Sorry, still no Ending #2).
Due to the fact that the former's contents dwell in /writ, it's not likely
it'll be relocated to /humor after all. Yes, I've come to that decision
during the writing of the previous sentence.
Also, I realized that past records (namely, 2001's) were a bit more colorful.
I can't remember why they stopped being so, so starting with this update,
#ffcc66 quotes and #ccffcc
dates return, starting today.
In Other News...
Nintendo Power made me feel like an idiot last night.
I was just a little upset to have a spoiler about Portrait of Ruin handed
to me at the Table of Contents of the present issue; mind you, I had never
intended to delve into its review of the game. Instead, I would peruse,
if anything, the pages guarding it. On the Contents page, lower right
corner, a scrap of black text in a yellow box pasted over an old image
of Sonic the Hedgehog. Completely arbitrary clipart placement, I figured.
The bit read, "Which character was most unlikely to appear in the
pages of Nintendo Power in November, 1991?" Or December 1991? "Turn
to page somethingorother to find out!" Wondering what answer awaited
me, I turned to the page number dangerously close to the Spoilers of Ruin
and was treated to a slap on the ear. A two-page spread about Sonic the
Hedgehog.
Your mother, Nintendo Power.
I love the Internet-inspired
attitude NPs now have. With their message board approach to gaming commentary,
it's very contemporary.
"Sarcasm. For what profit is it to a man..."
December 6, 2006:
"Nope, I hate Sonia too. And why does
everyone say she has such a great story? She has a 1 paragraph
intro, and like... 5 or 6 speaking lines... Where did you get this story,
and when can I read it?" -Jerkofwonder
Just a quick little announcement here.
Starting December 10th, the Humor Me section
will be closed for the Ultimate Organizational Attack. Once that's
done with--who knows when--it'll look nicer, be more organized, and back.
With Portrait of Ruin sure to lure new visitors to this corner of The
CastleVania WorldWide, this probably isn't a good idea. Figure this. Someone's
freshly into CV, does some browsing, runs into DCTP (probably via Wikipedia
or The Dungeon), hits the Humor, and, unfunnily, barely anything's there.
In the least, the big features will still be up for a time. Sorry, folks.
CV
in the News...
CastleVania:
Portrait of Ruin IS the newest
CastleVania game I WANT ITS SYSTEM FOR.
This isn't because of that one pic of the heroine portrayed as a bespectacled
fantasy. No, no, let's be clear. The previous times the get-the-system-for-CV
phenomenon last occured was with CastleVania: Circle of the Moon for Game
Boy Advance in 2001, CastleVania: Symphony of the Night for PlayStation
in 1997, and most notably, Super CastleVania IV for Super NES in 1991.
(In retrospect, should I include CastleVania III for NES in 1990 as well?)
That said, there must be something really special I see in Portrait
of Ruin that has excited me since day one.
(For the record, I HATED that first artwork of the two
player characters that was used for their E3 booth, as well as the issue
of Nintendo Power that featured an exclusive first look at the game. To
my eyes, the way the illustration was done likened it to Fan Art that
wasn't quite finished. Sure, Fan Art can be great, but when you consider
the style that Dawn of Sorrow gambled with, that first illustration wasn't
a step forward.)
First off, it's the characters. For now, gone are the days you play as
Snow White wussies with weepy eyes whining about their fate. F that. Today,
we've got Johnathan Morris, butch descendent of the Bloodlines hero who
was no Belmont, but neither was Sypha,
and she was able to kill Dracula with a few shots to the head. Covering
your tail, we've got charming (as long as she keeps her English-speaking
mouth shut) Charlotte Aulin, a magical girl said to have something
to do with the Belnades family, but, whatever the director wants. The
big cheese of the castle, the artistic vampire Brauner, is the spitting
image of Symphony's Count Olrox. It's quite awesome to see that specter
back. I wonder if he too has that second form. Before the scrap with him,
I'm sure, you'll have to fight off his hot vampire daughter Stella, and...her
sister who isn't as hot, Loretta.
Hmm, I wonder...at what point exactly did CastleVania become a game about
brutality against women? Probably the one this site covers, as a Cyclops
walloping Sypha might illustrate.
Next off is something quite revolutionary. Unlike MetroidVania standard
faire, YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE!!! Just as in Bloodlines, you'll
span Europe in your quest to kick some tails. Chill out at LondonWorld
with m'main maid Emma (okay, that I maid up. GETITHAHA), or bake in Egypt
with the mummies and Sarrlac (sp?) Pit Monster. You'll be able to tour
these fine locales via paintings hanging in Brauner's home. Okay, so technically,
you're STILL IN THE CASTLE, but use your effing imagination. You're not
out to fill in all the squares in ONE place. You're out to do it in LOTS
of them. Heh.
As far as the music goes, I'm waiting to experience it in person, but
what I heard on the
Japanese site (what, no American site?) sounds pretty damn sweet,
except for that theme used for the early preview videos. Apparently, Yuzo
Koshiro, videogame music virtuoso, will add Akumajou Dracula: Gallery
of Labyrinth to a list that already includes ActRaiser, Streets of Rage,
and WHO KNOWS how many great soundtracks.
Well, since I run through things with a fine, fine-toothed hair straightener
these days, there are a couple of things that do bring me down
about this game I still look forward to.
Let me preface the following by saying that news of the recurrence
of classic enemies in Symphony made me thirst for it without end during
most of 1997.
As can be seen via a preview video, many sprites from Dracula X: Rondo
of Blood have been imported into the Nintendo DS game (which, by the way,
is the system I forgot to mention this plays on).
Not to give anything away, but given the presence of Rondo rips in Ruin,
I can completely understand the choice of extra playable characters. I'd
stumbled upon an article illustrating this in a GEMAGA at Asahiya Bookstore
the other night. Also,
a number of enemies once again copied over from Symphony of the Night
will reprise their roles, just as they did in the last DS game (much to
my chagrin). For sure, all the chick enemies you loved in Symphony will
return in Ruin, including one you'd never expect. I just hope she's improved,
AT LEAST.
Importing graphics to IMPROVE THEM (such as Slogra in Symphony of the
Night) is one thing. Importing graphics and LEAVING THEM THE SAME (or
worse, CUTTING THINGS FROM THEM, as is the case with Slogra in Dawn of
Sorrow) is that much different. You may notice how The Monster from 1993's
Rondo doesn't exactly blend in with his 2006 surroundings. While
he fires missiles from his elbows. At least they added something.
The fact that
the zombies are sprite edits of Sypha's Trevor resurrection in Symphony;
not too hot on that. The term I might be looking for is bastardization.
Kinda disappointing to see something as sharp as a Trevor corpse disguised
and cheapened to fill the role of a one-hit run-in enemy. Kinda disappointing.
In CastleVania: Dawn of Sorrow, Soma Cruz developed the technique of using
large swords rather clumsily, swinging them overhead; like Nate swinging
a 10-ton hammer in CircleVania, but with none of the grace. Expect John-boy
to do the same.
All things considered, good and not-so, I still feel CastleVania: Portrait
of Ruin will be a CV blast like none since...since... since...
since..since... Heh, look at me. Fawning
over the sequel to CastleVania Bloodlines. Can't wait.
In Other News...
Crazy shouts to Lucas Goodman for popping up on the mailsides the other
day. Currently, the creator of CastleVania: Modern
Nightmare is out fighting the Whore in A Rock, cuz some buildings
burned down in my hometown a couple years ago. So Govermints decided to
go after a Whore in A Rock. Once he beats the Whore, we'll get this Modern
Nightmare expansion underway!
Two days ago, this posting was only going to be a note about my closing
the Humor section. The quote that was finally being retired threatened
to overwhelm it. Lookit it now. Holy Molly Baker. Stay tuned.
March 8, 2006:
Welcome back to my space. Does this mean now that I'm blawging?
I resent that idea... I've been doing this for damnear
nine years, bicchiz!
On the above double entendre, the revamped Epitaph
is ready to ROR! Now you can learn all you need to know about me without
having to ask! HARDLY HAR-HAR!!! Learn about the experiences, games, tunes,
and 'toons that've helped shape the mind of one Me.
Humoritten is now museum-grade. Featuring
two additions, the introduction is fresh, complete, and true, and all
pieces are finally described. It doesn't stop there, though; if you'd
like, send in YOUR written works of funny!
While some unnecessary DCTP bits have been identified and stricken, there's
still a thing or few laying around and teasing, waiting to be hushed.
All in due course, of course-of course!
I have no idea what happened to GRIMOIRE. I didn't do it.
In Other News...
Coming soon to a WorldWide Webside in front of you; Room
149, from the creator of Berrigan's Chambers. M'man GEENTAYL is up
to his new tricks again.
Welcome to DCTP's newest, and possibly
(THIS time) FINAL home, www.TerribleHands.com.
It's great to finally have territory of my own for a change. But before
forging onwards and sideways, as Antoine once commanded as he mounted
Dulcy in that one Sonic episode...
All praises due to members.aol.com, FortuneCity.com, Freeservers.com, Videogamers.com, PlanetCastleVania.com, EternalCastlevania.com, iodized.net, and finally, InvertedDungeon.com/ClockWorkMansion.com, for making room for DCTP and its tributaries from 1997 to 2006. Thanks kind. It's been a long road.
Don't know, but having [written and] read that just now made me feel something inside.
February
22, 200V:
Hi, folks! Just checking in with things. How's 200V going for you so far?
Good? Good! Bad? That's not good...
Okay, so Operation DCTP failed, because it was for the most part carried out on message boards all over the realm, with just about zero submissions directed thisaway.
DCTP's revival isn't going as well as I hoped, but that's okay. It seemed to start with that 2004 recap... ._. I've noticed that my Flash site, DYNAKYRIS, is obliterating DCTP in the ratings. I've also been doing alot of illustrating work recently.
Thanks for your e-mails. I've
gotten a few goodies to put up, such as wallpapers and a funny.
Half of the wonderful Downyard team told me that she & sis' website
has moved to another tower. They're dotnet, now! http://www.towerofmist.net/
:] CV3 shrine.
In January I went to San Fransisco. It was pretty sweet.
Finally, a happy birthday greeting to Ralphy Boy! The #1 ParoVadius Junkie turns 10+6 today.
January 5, 200V:
"Oh, em-gee Roffle... You just killed Capcom's cheerleader...!"
-Slogaibon to Firebrand, After ParoVadius.
It's been over two years. Links is long overdue
for a checkup, and broken ones will be sent to the graveyard. Any
help with pointing out defunct or otherwise relocated URLs would be
a great help.
The non-frames links of the Velcome screen
will be phased out soon. I figure that since DCTP's inception in May of
1997, just about every member of the audience is Frames-enabled by now.
January 4, 200V:
What, don't you recognize Roman numerals ARGH-OH-EPH-ELL?
A chuckle or two are new thanks to HotDog's testimonial on the real world
CV InVasion on his side of Puerto Rico. That said, Humor
Me 2005 is now open.
In Other News...
Family Guy is just TOO MUCH. XD
December
31, 2004:
"On the last day...REFLECTION." -Title of last 2004
tape.
At long last, a new counter has been added, and we can again take note
of how many times the Skull Knight has abused Alucard. Thank you kindly,
Statcounter!!!
A newly added batch of Humor among us, along with three new Venus Weeds! I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the first OPERATION DCTP!!!. Most of the best captions are on message boards, rather than directly e-mailed. I think I'll just wind up listing them all as they appeared.
Thanks to Hot Dog in PR for helping with the initial recharge of DCTPness! YES!!! THANK HIM NOW, BICCHIZ!!!
The ParoVadius frash movies are now on view at my DeviantART space, so take a look at them. Feel free to drop me a line there as well, if you're a member. Direct links~> ParoVadius Trailer, ParoVadius: THE MOVIE!!!, After Parovadius. Be forewarned, After ParoVadius contains graphic spoken dialogue of wanting Sloggy's beakiness. Thomas Otting's FWOOPY!!!, as told by yours truly, is there as well.
In Other News...
A few words about my experience of the year passed.
On the last day, reflection. ::sigh::....I
don't know how to begin this. I don't want to overdramatize this, either.
2004 must have been the most trying year for me, physically and emotionally.
The year started off with a literal BANG...of a bottlerocket...in a nearby
room of the house where my former girlfriend and I spent the night.
I attended my ultimo semester of college, and fought hard. I don't know
how I succeeded so well.
On the evening of Valentine's Day, I promised myself to the one I loved
most, and there was great happiness...sadly, due to a series of unfortunate
events, involving both school and work, that happiness...more importantly
hers, was compromised, and in order to save my love, I let her
go.
The estuaries of spring and summer were a time of great pain.
Just as well, nearly the entirety of summer was an Era of Great Confusion,
as I titled a re-cut of a Mix CD of the period.
Speaking of Mix CDs...I produced about 15 in 2003, and only 10 this year.
Eventually, as the season ran its course, things became peaceful, friendly
and familiar between the one I loved most and myself, and I considered
rejoining her...
As summer waned, I was happy, full of life and energy. My productivity
grew, and I spat out a few Flash movies, met with great commendation.
On the Third Anniversary, I reunited with the one I loved most, for certain
circumstances which had hindered us previously were now gone. I was warned
that she would be very busy this semester, and our meetings would be rarer.
It didn't bother me at the time. ...at the time.
During the dying of summer there was also a fiasco with getting a grade
changed, but that eventually ironed out.
As the weeks and months carried on, the resumed relationship met with
tough goings. With little time for a proving ground for our feelings,
my happiness was fading... I thought it best to wait until she would be
done with her classes, which at this point was very soon, then every sweet
thing would be restored
I thought it best to wait. I almost made it.
At the beginning of this month, my heart would be broken for the second
time this year...
I've reiterated further details much
too many times for it to be helpful to me, so I leave it at that.
At last, here you are with me. I leave you with myself, in this transient
state between pain and recovery. I am wanting to be well, and be the Myself
of 2003 again, but it is too soon to tell. I've revived DCTP, at least.
That's a start, and I've chilled with Jon Rojas of the DCTP Fam, so that's
been nice. Ey Jon.
Soon, I will go to a friend's to spend the last hours of 2004. Have a good New Year, and get home safely
2004 is represented by:
![[IMAGE]](postage/purerod.gif)
![[IMAGE]](postage/txmade.gif)
December 30, 2004
#1~3:
"Have you run into Aluca...OOPS I MEAN ARIKADO LOLOLOL!!1"
-Clandestine Genius, CastleVania Aria of Sorrow
2 more Venus
Weeds by the one and only Hot Diggity!!! & a Humor
Me, in a pear tree!
You must check out that Grimoire
site, by the way, it's really extensive, top notch ish!
& Ash is Dracula's Curse: THE MEGANEKKO!!! 4 LIFE.
It also appears that the Enemies section has
also been out of the picture for a few years. ...no one ever told me.
That's okay, though. It's back up.
CALLING BUG HUNTERS!!! DCTP's been ricocheting between servers since Expense kicked it off Iodized in August 2003. If anything's missing, let a bruddah know! I need a new counter, too. :| If anyone knows how to get a good, free one with all the stats like last episode, I'd appreciate it.
Whuttup, TP?!
December 29, 2004:
Hot Dawg! A new Venus Weed has grown!
Hey, there are still 2 good days left for this year. Farm 'em up ASAP!
She's lonely! Very few bits of Humor have been
rallied and listed, and lastly, I would like to present a new feature
for DCTP;
OPERATION
D C
T P ! ! !*
*DO SOMETHING COMETHING
TOO PHUNNY!!!
Your mission, should you choose
to accept it, is to
create a ridiculous caption for the picture below.
You can click on it to enlarge and save!.
Each submission will be gathered
in a new Humor Me section.
If yours is the Hilarious-est, you WIN! Good luck!!!
Ahem. Thanks for coming back, and thanks for your patience.